Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
