forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
