oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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