my mouth tastes like poor choices
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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