Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
