I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
