I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
