i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
