Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My day in three words: secret purse cake
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
