Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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