Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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