I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
