Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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