btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
