i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
