I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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