I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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