So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
