I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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