Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
