Me. At least after what I've been through.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do herpes really smell.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
