I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
