Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
