I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Text me some of your sweat
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
