Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
