dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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