I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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