There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
