I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
