I wish I could teleport
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
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my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
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Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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