Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
