I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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