I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
