Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
