So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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