He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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