All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize