Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
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Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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