Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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