just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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