I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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