i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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