Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
