The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
