I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
