that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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