he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
