"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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