how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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