"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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