things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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