I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize