i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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