I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
