the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You are a genius and a whore.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
