There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
