i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
