I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
