I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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