Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize