the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
