So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Fuck appropriateness.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
