After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.