i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"