Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.