So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY