I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
